Single Midlife Man FINDS Romantic Solution | Psychology Today

I promised it over a month ago and I think I?ve finally got it, an alternative to mate-for-life monogamy, serial monogamy, promiscuity and celibacy, one that fits my appetites while keeping me sane and honorable.

I?ll call it becoming a Loaner, a play on accepting myself as fundamentally alone, no longer deserving a mother surrogate to hold me through thick and thin, and being nonetheless available on loan to other Loaners. I doubt I could have been a Loaner before now.? My appetites, aptitudes, and options needed to mellow with age.

Here are my principles of Loanerdom.

1. Don?t fall: In my past, my pattern was to find a candidate partner and then together, size, feel and butter each other up.? First comes assessment, then surge and merge, a substantial portion of the motivation being sexual chemistry, but most of the consequence being high expectation of devotion. A Loaner works very conscientiously to break this pattern, and through self-monitoring, steer clear of that conventional courtship dance.

2. Friends, really:? Loaners hold a common standard for all connections. Meet people as people, as potential friends, acquaintances or passes, not as potential mates.? That way you can hear them, really listen, not missing what they?re really like because you want something from them or want something to happen with them.?

3. Ignore mixed messages: People have mixed motivations. Women, for example often both want to be, and object to being the objects of physical desire.? Quite understandably, many dress to infatuate us with their beauty and are understandably disgusted by our infatuation. When they want your romantic devotion they treat their alluring bodies as themselves.? When they lose their allure they want you to treat their physical flaws as not them, but something they?re strapped with. And who wouldn?t? Men are no less conflicted. In general, count on people to use their assets and opportunities to get what they want.

For a man, to be a Loaner is to honor women as people and give slight attention to that part of them that would get you drunk on their looks.? Doing so is to delight their human half and a disappointment to their floral half. Live with their half-disappointment, as they do with us when they honor our human half but disappoint our male-equivalent sources of vanity and pride.

4. No agenda: When I go to a religious funeral I?m surprised by the strangely crass mix of memorializing and faith boosterism, the presiding priest?s irrepressible urge to slip in advertisements for their denomination.? ?Your very good friend has died. Let us remember him and on an unrelated note, join our faith, because it?s the best.??

Talking to potential partners, we do the same, wedging reasons why the person we?re talking with should become a member of the ?church of me,? and tithe their sex love and devotion.? A Loaner cuts that out. Stop with the innuendo.? Just hang out together.?

There?s that old saying, ?It is amazing what you can accomplish if you don?t care who gets the credit.?? In very loose parallel I?d say it?s amazing how intimate you can get if you don?t care if you get sexloveromance, and amazing how free you get to stay to follow your own best guiding lights if, having forgone sexloveromance, and can meet people?even beauties--as people.

5. Mojo by other means:? Romance is passion but so are other things. Romance makes us feel alive, growing and special, but so do other activities, and some with a better track record for keeping us feeling that way.? Loaners don?t privilege romance as the must-have source of mojo.? Instead they think about romance as a major investment that, long-term could pay off in a richer life but even if it does, will take attention from their investments in other sources of mojo.? For Loaners, romance is one of many things one can choose to fuss over. They fuss-budget consciously and conscientiously.

6. Sex policy reversal:? Conventional policy says don?t sleep with someone unless you?re serious. A Loaner reverses this. If she already really wants to be your partner, you can?t touch or sleep with her, and probably, you shouldn?t even spend time with her.? If she would sort of really actually probably like to be partners, then maybe you can see her but you shouldn?t probably touch. Only if she too is a Loaner can you afford sex and touching. Why this reversal?? To show appropriate honor and respect. Whether its biological or psychological, sex triggers expectations that shouldn?t be taken lightly.?? Men can be jerks, diving in for what they want without any intention of following through with faithful devotion. Loaners aren?t celibates, but they have to be especially conscientious about when and how they handle their sexuality, never letting it drive them at a woman?s expense.? Being conscientious requires cultivating skepticism about a woman?s declarations.? In general, women are as trustworthy in their declared willingness to be sexually casual as men are in their declared readiness to be sexually committed.

7. Drain the lizard: Loaners are skeptical but not dismissive of the argument that sex is a human necessity, the limbic or lizard brain ever-filling and refilling with libido. Loaners are sexual like everyone else, but they try to handle it responsibly, which often means going it sexually alone. They recognize that porn is problematic.? The more thrills one seeks and finds (and you can find lots of thrills in porn) the less likely you are to find reality thrilling. Still, honoring that part of women that don?t want to be seen as sex objects, and honoring that part of us that still sees them that way means draining the lizard, disconnecting your sexual fantasy life from reality.? Love women as people.? Drain the part that craves them as objects.

8. Respect other tribe?s boundaries: In the 1980?s I tried chat-flirting once and five minutes in, discovered that I was talking to another guy who thought he too was talking to a woman. Awkward! You?ve got to know who you?re talking to because love?s lifestyles are radically different, not just in who we?re attracted to but in what we want to do with that attraction.? Loaners are a decidedly different tribe than married and partnered people, people eagerly seeking a partner, celibates and the promiscuous.? Each lifestyle values some qualities and devalues others and any two lifestyles are going to clash over what to value and devalue.? People who have or want a partner value romantic commitment, the very thing that Loaners work to devalue.? Loaners value autonomy, the very thing that partner?s work to devalue.? Honor the differences.? Don?t try to convert other people to your lifestyle, and don?t be influenced by people who disdain yours. People will sneer, at the baseness of Loanerdom.? I?ve gotten sneers in response to every article I?ve written in this series, and I expect more.? Sneer away.

9. Aromatherapy:? I?ve scorned religion ever since in childhood, but I?ve noticed lately that women have been my religion and sex has been my ritual prayer.? I?ve been a romantic fundamentalist.

What?s a fundamentalist to do when it dawns on him late in life that he has committed most of his life to a cause that?s not working? My sense is that he should stop believing, but is perfectly entitled to continue going through the ritual motions that have provided nourishing rhythm to his long life so far (See How to Retire a Flawed Cause).? For me, this means finding a careful way to adore and pray to Goddesses even though I know longer believe they are my shot at redemption.? It means loving the scent of a beautiful woman without trying to take action to consuming that with which she perfumes my world.

I love conversation with pretty much anyone. I especially love it when it?s with someone pretty. This is my aromatherapy. And, as a lifelong addict, I have to monitor and manage my appetite, because, lifelong I?ve read the scent as leading to a shot at grace itself, the ultimate benediction. ?And it doesn?t.

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201210/single-midlife-man-finds-romantic-solution

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Tone turns ominous at The Weather Channel

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Reports: UK police arrest Gary Glitter

FILE - In this Jan, 11, 2000 file photo, British performer Gary Glitter, during a press conference in London. Police investigating the sex abuse scandal surrounding late BBC children's television host Jimmy Savile have arrested pop star Gary Glitter in connection with the case, British media said Sunday, Oct. 28, 2012. Metropolitan Police said they arrested a man in his 60s early Sunday morning at his London home, on suspicion of sexual offenses, and that he remains in custody in a London police station. (AP Photo/Alastair Grant, File)

FILE - In this Jan, 11, 2000 file photo, British performer Gary Glitter, during a press conference in London. Police investigating the sex abuse scandal surrounding late BBC children's television host Jimmy Savile have arrested pop star Gary Glitter in connection with the case, British media said Sunday, Oct. 28, 2012. Metropolitan Police said they arrested a man in his 60s early Sunday morning at his London home, on suspicion of sexual offenses, and that he remains in custody in a London police station. (AP Photo/Alastair Grant, File)

FILE - In this March 3, 2006 file photo, former British rocker Gary Glitter smiles at journalists prior to his verdict and sentencing at Ba Ria-Vung, Vung Tau province People's Court in Vietnam. Police investigating a sex abuse scandal surrounding late BBC television host Jimmy Savile have arrested pop star Gary Glitter in connection to the case, British media said Sunday, Oct. 28, 2012. Metropolitan Police said they arrested a man in his 60s early Sunday morning at his London home, on suspicion of sexual offenses. The force did not identify the man, but British media including the BBC and Press Association reported he was Glitter, 68, a former rock musician and a convicted sex offender. Glitter's real name is Paul Gadd. (AP Photo/Richard Vogel, File)

Cameras are seen above a sign at the BBC Television Centre, in London Wednesday, Oct. 24, 2012. The BBC is facing questions over sexual abuse allegations against former television presenter Jimmy Savile. (AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth)

FILE - This is a March 25, 2008 file photo of Sir Jimmy Savile, who for decades was a fixture on British television. A year after he died, aged 84 and honored as Sir Jimmy, several women have come forward to claim he was also a sexual predator and serial abuser of underage girls. The child abuse scandal that has enveloped the BBC, one of Britain's most respected news organizations, is now hitting one of America's, as the incoming president of The New York Times is on the defensive about his final days as head of the BBC. Mark Thompson was in charge of the BBC in late 2011 when the broadcaster shelved what would have been a bombshell investigation alleging that the late Savile was a serial sex offender. (AP Photo/ Lewis Whyld/PA, File)

LONDON (AP) ? The sex abuse scandal surrounding the late BBC children's television host Jimmy Savile widened on Sunday as police arrested former glam rock star and convicted sex offender Gary Glitter in connection with the case, British media said.

Police would not directly identify the suspect arrested Sunday, but media including the BBC and Press Association reported he was the 68-year-old Glitter.

The musician made it big with the crowd-pleasing hit "Rock & Roll (Part 2)," a mostly instrumental anthem that has been a staple at American sporting events thanks to its catchy "hey" chorus. But he fell into disgrace after being convicted on child abuse charges in Britain and Vietnam.

On Sunday, the BBC and Sky News showed footage of Glitter, who wore a hat, a dark coat and sunglasses, being taken from his home by officers and driven away.

British police do not generally identify suspects under arrest by name until they are charged. When asked about Glitter, a spokesman said only that the force arrested a man in his 60s early Sunday morning in London on suspicion of sexual offenses in connection with the Savile probe. He remains in custody in a London police station, police said.

Hundreds of potential victims have come forward since police began their investigation into sex abuse allegations against Savile, the longtime host of popular shows "Top of the Pops" and "Jim'll Fix It" who died at age 84 last year. Most allege abuse by Savile, but some said they were abused by Savile and others.

Glitter is the first suspect to be arrested in the scandal, which has raised questions about whether the BBC turned a blind eye to the alleged sexual crimes. It was not immediately clear if Glitter, whose real name is Paul Gadd, and Savile knew each other.

Glitter rose to fame in the 1970s with a string of U.K. hits and his look of shiny jumpsuits, silver platform shoes and bouffant wigs, but his music has often been shunned since his abuse convictions. In 2006, the NFL advised its football teams not to use the Glitter version of "Rock and Roll (Part 2)" at games.

Glitter was jailed in Britain in 1999 for possessing child pornography, and convicted in 2006 in Vietnam of committing "obscene acts with children" ? offenses involving girls aged 10 and 11. He was deported back to Britain in 2008.

Police have said that though the majority of cases it is investigating related to Savile alone, some involved the entertainer and other, unidentified suspects. In addition, some potential victims who reported abuse by Savile also told police about separate allegations against unidentified men that did not involve the BBC host.

The scandal has horrified Britain with revelations that Savile cajoled and coerced vulnerable teens into having sex with him in his car, in his camper van, and even in dingy dressing rooms on BBC premises.

One witness told the BBC that she once saw Glitter having sex with a schoolgirl in Savile's dressing room at the broadcaster's TV center in the 1970s. Glitter has denied the allegations.

On Sunday, the chairman of the BBC Trust said he was committed to finding out the true scale of the scandal to save the broadcaster's reputation.

"Can it really be the case that no one knew what he was doing? Did some turn a blind eye to criminality? Did some prefer not to follow up their suspicions because of this criminal's popularity and place in the schedules?" Chris Patten wrote in The Mail on Sunday.

The BBC has set up an independent inquiry into the corporation's culture and practices in the years Savile worked there. It also launched a separate inquiry into whether its journalists dropped an investigation into the allegations.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/cae69a7523db45408eeb2b3a98c0c9c5/Article_2012-10-28-Britain-Jimmy%20Savile/id-eea2a093518e46f7a17d4998068b92ab

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Suicide bomber strikes Nigeria church in deadly attack

KADUNA (Reuters) - A suicide bomber drove a vehicle packed with explosives into a Catholic church in northern Nigeria on Sunday, killing at least three people and triggering reprisal attacks that killed at least two more, witnesses and police said.

The bomber drove a jeep right inside the packed St Rita's church, in the Malali area of Kaduna, a volatile ethnically and religiously mixed city, in the morning and many people were wounded, several witnesses said.

"I cannot tell you how many casualties, but there were many. The heavy explosion also damaged so many buildings around the area," said survivor Linus Lighthouse, saying he thought there had been two explosions in different parts of the church.

Other witnesses and the police said there had just been one bomber however.

There was no immediate claim of responsibility but Islamist sect Boko Haram has claimed similar attacks in the past and has attacked several churches with bombs and guns since it intensified its campaign against Christians in the past year.

One wall of the church was blasted open and scorched black, with debris lying around. Police later moved in and cordoned the area off.

Shortly after the blast, angry Christian youths took to the streets armed with sticks and knives. A Reuters reporter saw two bodies on the roadside lying in pools of blood.

"We killed them and we'll do more," shouted a youth, with blood on his shirt, before police chased him and his cohorts away. Police set up roadblocks and patrols across town in an effort to prevent the violence spreading.

Another witness, Daniel Kazah, a member of the Catholic cadets in the church, said he had seen three bodies on the bloodied church floor after the bomb. "But still others were taken to the mortuary," he said.

An emergency worker on the scene, who had helped move casualties but was not authorized to give his name, estimated the total number of dead and wounded at around 30.

A spokesman for St Gerard's Catholic hospital, Sunday John, said the hospital was treating 14 wounded but had not received any dead.

Islamist sect Boko Haram is fighting to try to create an Islamic state in Nigeria, whose 160 million people are split roughly evenly between Christians and Muslims.

Some of the attacks on churches have seemed calculated to stir sectarian tensions along Nigeria's volatile middle belt, where its largely Christian south and mostly Muslim north meet.

Kaduna lies along that fault line, and many of its neighborhoods are mixed.

A bomb in a church in Kaduna state in June triggered a week of sectarian violence that killed at least 90 people.

(Writing by Tim Cocks; Editing by Andrew Osborn)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/two-suicide-bombers-attack-north-nigeria-church-094121791.html

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Website Marketing Tips For The World's Entrepreneurs - KurtTasche ...

Website Marketing Tips For The World?s Entrepreneurs

Some businesses grow into something huge, and others enjoy moderate success. Unfortunately, most businesses will fail. The majority of new businesses fail in the first year of start up. The failure rate is even higher among online businesses. Read the following article to keep your business from failing and learn some Internet promotion tips.

Posting press releases are great ways to boost traffic for your Web marketing. If you have a knack for writing clear, concise information, it is easy to get that information published on the web. The materials will then be released to a carefully selected audience. The is a good way to get your name out there.

You can find many email marketing services that can help you succeed in affiliate marketing, but it?s better just to do it yourself. Once you understand how the process works, it becomes simple to use bulk mailing lists, auto responders and mass mailers. The added bonus is that you will have the knowledge, so it will be easier and easier, each time you do it.

Remember that your customers deserve an online experience as customer friendly as the service you provide them in-store. If you run tests on the content of your site to make sure everything is going smoothly it will ensure your customers are getting top notch customer service. When a customer cannot get in the front door of a store, they do not shop there. This is the same for a buggy site.

Focus on building a quality site before you worry about marketing it and obtaining a ranking. All online businesses should begin with this idea. If you have a good website, you will have less work in the future.

Whenever you are just starting out, do not take on too much, rather you should start small. Search engines with less indexed pages will be more apt to list your site, rather than the SEO?s that have a million or so indexed pages.

You are fully capable of having a successful web marketing business right now. Expensive tools of the trade that promise you can get rich quick are not what will prove important. Instead, rely on good, old-fashioned, hard work and imagination. Success can be realized through hard work and wise marketing decisions.

Your site?s purpose is identified by the tag above it, so choose it carefully. This tag will explain in a small blurb what your website is all about. An audience member will determine in a matter of seconds whether or not your website is worth their time based upon that tag. Misinformation or confusing information will cause readers to leave your website.

One of the things that you can do when marketing online to encourage your visitors to buy from you is to give them discounted prices. All you need to do is show discounted pricing next to the regular prices. Another way to entice a purchase is by saying that if they buy now, the price will be half off.

People who generate small sales will find that the Internet is extremely competitive. Do not just set prices and let them sit. Keep your finger on the pulse of the market and adjust prices as needed. Consider setting up your own Internet store as a means to allow customers to find all your products in one place.

The only benefit to a business failing is more room for your company. If you want to be a successful online business owner, don?t be afraid to fail, work hard and employ some of the easy tips found above.

Source: http://kurttasche.com/internet-marketing-articles/website-marketing-tips-for-the-worlds-entrepreneurs.html

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Azealia Banks Confirms Lady Gaga, Kanye West Collabos

Banks also reveals the titles of two new Gaga songs — 'Red Flame' and 'Ratchet' — in a Brazilian interview.
By James Montgomery

Azealia Banks
Photo: MTV News

Source: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1696281/azealia-banks-lady-gaga-kanye-west-collabo.jhtml

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How to Bring the Start Menu Back in Windows 8

Windows 8 has some pretty cool things going for it, but it's become incredibly controversial because of one major change: the Start menu is completely gone. Luckily, there are a ton of programs out there that bring it back. Here are three of our favorites.

Start8 Fits In Perfectly with Windows 8

Start8 is our favorite of the bunch. For just $5, you get a full-fledged Start menu replacement that fits in with Windows 8's more "flat" theme, though you can also choose a theme with more rounded corners like the old Windows 7 start menu. You can also set the Start button to launch a small version of the Start screen, so you can get the benefits of the Start menu with the features of the new Start screen.

Start8 is also pretty configurable, letting you tweak the size of the icons, choose which shortcuts show up in the menu, and more. You can also tweak which shortcuts bring up which version of the Start menu or Start screen, as well as disable things like Windows 8 hot corners, the Charms bar, and even set Windows to go to the desktop when you first sign in. In short: it does everything you could need with the utmost simplicity, and it doesn't feel out of place. It's the best $5 you'll spend on Windows 8. (Bonus: It works with Soluto, the fantastic remote troubleshooting tool, so you can install it for your friends without them having to lift a finger.)

Classic Shell Is Insanely Customizable

If it's customizability you want, Classic Shell is the program you want. Classic Shell starts off looking like an old school pre-XP Windows Start menu, but you can switch to a more XP- or 7-style Start menu with the press of a button. Dive into the settings and you can tweak literally every tiny corner of your Start menu, from which shortcuts open the Start menu to which icons show up, what the Start button looks like, what the search box can look for, the fonts, and a ton more. If you're a hardcore tweaker, this free and open source program is going to make you giggle with glee. Bonus: it's part of Ninite, so you can install it along with all your other favorite programs at once.

Classic Shell also lets you bypass the Start screen, as well as comes with tweaks for other Windows programs like Windows Explorer, Internet Explorer, and more. It'll even bring back some features from the old XP days.

StartMenu8 Is as Simple as They Come

If the other two options above look just a little too complicated, StartMenu8 may be more your speed. Install it, and you'll have your old Start menu back?that's it. It feels a little different than the others (it's more of a popup than a menu), and it has a somewhat annoying "Send Feedback" button, but it does the job without any complicated configuration menus. The only options it has?when you right-click on the Start button?are to run it at startup and to skip the tiled Start screen. This is the best option if you just want to install something for free and get on with your day.

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Start8 is by far our favorite option, but the others are quite good too. You can find a ton of other Start menu replacements out there, but these three should cover you no matter what your needs. Try them all out for yourself and see what you like best?there's something here for everyone.

Title image remixed from Marcello Silvestre .

Source: http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/lifehacker/full/~3/pvVajN-RBP0/how-to-bring-back-the-start-menu-in-windows-8

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African-led security force to Mali leads AU talks

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Feds investigate phony letters warning Florida voters they're not eligible to vote

Florida voters receive letters saying their citizenship is being challenged, along with their eligibility to vote. WBBH's Dave Elias reports.

By Michael IsikoffNBC News

The FBI and U.S. Postal Service inspectors are investigating bogus official-looking letters sent to voters in at least 28 Florida counties questioning their citizenship and their eligibility to vote, ?NBC News has learned.

David Couvertier, a spokesman for the FBI in Tampa, said his office opened up an investigation into the possible attempt at voter intimidation on Wednesday after receiving reports that eligible voters throughout the state have received the letters.?

"We're taking it as a serious situation," he said. "We're looking at everything from civil rights violations to election fraud -- to everything in between."

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Chris Cate, a spokesman for the Florida Secretary of State's Office, told NBC News, "We believe these? letters appear to meet the standard of voter intimidation." Between 50 and 100 such letters have been reported to state officials so far, "and those are only the ones we know about. We're encouraging people to come forward."

The fake letters, which first started showing up last Friday, have been sent under the names of real Florida county election supervisors -- with some correct contact information -- informing the voters that the supervisors have received "information" about their citizenship status, "bringing into doubt your eligibility as a registered voter."

The letters also say the voter must fill out a Voter Eligibility Form in the next 15 days -- and failure to do so will result "in the removal of your name from the voter registration rolls and you will no longer be eligible to vote."

"A non-registered voter who casts a vote in the state of Florida may be subject to arrest, imprisonment, and/or other criminal sanctions," the letters state.

Robert Wallis / Panos Pictures

In the key battleground state of Florida, divergent opinions separate voters with just over two weeks until the election.

Some of the letters have been received by "longtime, staunch voters who have been exercising their right to vote" for years, Couvertier said. While those people are likely to vote anyway, "Our concern is someone who might not be secure and then questions whether they should vote."

It's not clear who sent the letters, which were machine postmarked in Seattle. Couvertier said the FBI in Tampa is working with its Seattle office to track down the perpetrator.

Cate said a "significant majority have gone to Republican voters, but not exclusively. We've got Democrats who received the letters, we've got independents. We're telling everybody to be on the lookout."

Michael Isikoff is NBC News national investigative correspondent.

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GLASS HAMMER The Inconsolable Secret music review by b_olariu

The follow up from 2005 named The inconsolable secret is to my ears a step down from previous work, even is overall not bad, the passages are not consistent , are progressive, musicianship is more then ok, but is a pale release in contrast with other albums from that period. Double album, first with only 2 pieces clocking around 40 min is the best from the two, again Yes oriented symphonic prog with keyboards a la ELP and pleasent vocal parts, but that it. Also the symphonic parts are melted in places with some folky medieval themes that goes quite good in places but to thin in overall context. So, I can say is an ok rlease, 3 stars is best I can give to this album, is less great then Shadowlands for sure.

b_olariu | 3/5 | 2012-10-25

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Source: http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=844970

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